cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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