Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
