i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
