My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
