Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
