I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
