Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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