dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Randomize
