You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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