ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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