I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
