my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dick very happy bro
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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