how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
