How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You're like the curious george of whores
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
