WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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