why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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