So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
