Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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