Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
