I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
honey bunches of taint.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
