I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
