Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
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