Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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