She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
