What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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