I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
did i just pee glitter
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
