Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
