I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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