WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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