I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
