Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
