I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
