found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
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