You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
