your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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