I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
