just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
