I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
