just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
