i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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