the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
