Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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