omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
