Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
