took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Shame is for Republicans.
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