we're blogging at a bar
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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