Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
