Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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