we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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