I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
