is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
