Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
