Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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