he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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