walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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