you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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