the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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