FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize