The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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