its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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