then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
time to smoke my breakfast
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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