he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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