my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
