You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
