I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
