That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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