just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
