so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
