suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
