She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
