I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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