i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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