fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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