i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
