fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Success! We fucked roommates!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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