My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize