If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Drake has all the answers
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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